This is one of the very first lists I thought of, but I knew it would be so controversial I wanted to take my time and get it right. There are so many Bears I had to leave off: The Berenstain Bears (great books but c’mon: give them more original names than “Sister” and “Brother”!); Bear Bryant (too many racial problems); the Great Big Bear in Underwear (my very favorite song); the Chicago Bears (nothing good ever comes from Chicago); Little John from Disney’s Robin Hood (you da Man, LJ!); Ursa Major (which clearly would have been the “star” of the list); Barely Legal (even typing this, I can feel my mother glaring somewhere); and my best friend Bear. As you can see, it’s been a tough few weeks. However, I get paid the big bucks to make these decisions, so without further ado I present:
THE TOP TEN BEARS
#10 Coca Cola Bear – If there is one thing that binds my brother Achmed and me together—more than our passionate love for Natalie Portman—it is imitating the Coca Cola Bears. Sniff sniff.
#9 Gummy Bears – the candy, not that awful cartoon.
#8 Fozzie Bear – Every time I go to a Chinese restaurant I have this insane desire to run back into the kitchen and yell, ‘Wocka Wocka Wocka!”
#7 Care Bears - Anyone who disagrees with this gets the Care Bear Stare (5-4-3-2-1). Also, asking waitresses to name their favorite Care Bears is a great way to have scads of women descend on your table. Make sure you give me credit.
#6 Paddington/Winnie – Two great English Bears (although in typical Canadian fashion, they claim to have invented Pooh). I was introduced to both at the same time, and while I personally prefer the stories of Paddington (plus that cool blue coat), I recognize the place Winnie holds in many people’s hearts.
#5 Yogi/BooBoo – Single-handedly responsible for reviving pic-a-nics.
#4 Smokey the Bear – “♪♫…howlin’ and a growlin’ and a sniffin’ the air. He can find a fire, before it starts to flame….that’s why they call him Smokey and it’s how he got his name!♫”
#3 Baloo – I live my life searching for someone to call “Li’l Britches.”
#2 The Three Bears – If you think about it, Baby is the star of the show: gets his porridge just the way he wants it, and has a blonde in his bed. If you really want to get trippy, read what Bruno Bettelheim says about this tale.
And….
#1 The Golden Bear – Quite simply, there is no greater Bear in history than Jack Nicklaus. With his final golf tournament recently ended, it seemed fitting tribute, but no matter when this list went up, Jack will always be #1.
Special Thanks: to everyone who opined on this topic
Up Next: Bon Jovi Songs
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