Pirate Movies

Ajax sent in his list of best pirate movies. I was a bit perplexed by some of his omissions, but Ajax explained that he was pretty rigorous that the film had to be about pirates in a significant way. (And except for his bizarre obsession with Tommy Lee Jones, he complies.)

Anyway, thanks to Ajax and enjoy the list:






10. Cutthroat Island: A former guiness world record holder for money loss, it actually bankrupted Carolco, it's production company. I thought it was okay, but I don't imagine Geena Davis has it at the top of her resume.







9. Pirates of Penzance (1983): Because really rough and tough pirates also sing and dance.






8. The Pirate Movie: a.k.a. The Teen-Romantic-Comedy (with Keelhauling)






7. Yellowbeard: Monty Python meets Cheech and Chong to do a pirate film. Freaking insane.






6. Nate and Hayes: Another Tommy Lee Jones movie. Again, the piracy is technically implied: slave trading and gun running have to suffice. But there's fencing, gunplay, cannons, and a guy with a skull-and-femur pegleg which cinches it.






5. Under Seige: This is a bit of a stretch, but Tommy Lee Jones was wearing the traditional pirate bandana when he and his men took over the battleship.






4. The Goonies: Who didn't want to follow the map to One-Eyed-Willie's treasure with a bunch of kids from the wrong side of the tracks? Or adopt Sloth?






3. Peter Pan: including both animated and live-action versions, and Hook. Is it the prosthetic? Is it the alligator? Personally, I think it's a first-mate named Smee.






2. Treasure Island: Including the original, Treasure Planet, and Muppet Treasure Island. The charisma of of John Silver transcends interpretation.






1. Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl: Duh. Singlehandedly revitalizing and electrifying a genre considered dead since Cutthroat Island. Now if Keith Richards could just stop falling out of trees long enough to cameo...

Honorable mentions to:

Dread Pirate Roberts: Princess Bride was by no means a pirate movie. But he had the title, and fenced. And chicks love the mask...

Dread Pirate Steve: Dodge Ball was about saving a gym, but Steve wore the clothes, talked the talk, carried a knife, and claimed to have buried treasure. Gar!

Jerry Seinfeld: Was unbelievably non-piratey, until he put on the puffy shirt. AND WAS TRANSFORMED!


[HYPERION'S NOTE: If you're interested, check out my reviews of PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN; if only to prove that I can predict the future and you all should bow before me, and TREASURE PLANET, the most underrated Disney Movie in some time. ]

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